I have not had a hard life. I didn’t go through some Earth shattering thing, my testimony may or may not bring you to tears. I have an amazing family and have had some pretty great friends and relationships. But like everyone else, I need God everyday, every moment, and every breath I need Him. This is just my story of how I came to know God, how I have a relationship with Him, to be in his arms. I need to share my story, I’m called to share my story. So here it is.
I used to be confident and I used to act like the world was mine and everyone else was just living in it. But that was before high school and the anxiety came. Anxiety has taken over my life and I’m still dealing with it. I have an older brother and older cousins that are pretty known in school, my family is also known in our small town. I was scared to be known, to be looked at in the halls and in classes with upper class men. I didn’t want to be seen. Yes, I know, seems stupid but the paranoia of people knowing me and talking about me really got to my head. In some of my relationships with people I felt like I was being used and only there for people when they needed me. I know what I’m about to say is really conceded, but I know I’m pretty, I get that I am a beautiful girl, but I don’t want to be just that. I had seen my friends struggle with body image but they had great personalities and I was jealous of that. I was comparing myself and longing to be them, which isn’t healthy either. I always thought that you can change your body to whatever you want it to look like, but you can’t change your personality. I understand that a lot of people struggle with body image, but my struggle was a struggle of heart. I had felt for such a long time that I was only here to be used and to only be looked at and never meant for something greater. I slipped into a depression. The loneliest three months of my life. I felt like I didn’t have any friends and no one wanted me. I isolated myself and just didn’t want to do anything. I will admit I had some pretty scary thoughts and I was in a really dark place. I was ashamed and I knew I needed help. So I told my mom, she’s my rock, I love my mom. I needed help, my mom told me to pray, but I couldn’t bring myself to because I was so ashamed of what I had felt I thought God didn’t want it. Just as I had felt no one else wanted me either. It wasn’t until April that I really opened up to God. I was preparing for the first night the bible study I was leading. I had been stressing out all day and when I finally slowed down and started praying I let it alllll out. I was down on my knees praying and crying out for God to rescue me. I prayed for 30 minutes straight. I was saved! He saved me! And ever since then I’ve been trying to live my life to glorify Him, to go after Him. Because now I know He wants me, He loves me, even when I don’t love myself. When I was down and about to totally slip into the darkness God said, “No, she’s coming with me, I will love her and she will know it”.
I am grateful every single day that He defeated my darkness and is helping me grow into the confident girl He wants me to be. I’m totally out of my depression, yes sometimes I have bad times but now I lean on God instead of my own thoughts.
As I got to talking to some other people I realized I am not the only one who has felt these things, and I want to help. To the people out there that feel what I used to feel, that are lost, that feel like there story doesn’t matter. Let me be the first to tell you. IT DOES!!!! Your life is special and precious and God loves every single part about you. Even if you’ve made mistakes, even if sometimes your decisions aren’t the best, and even if your thoughts aren’t always good either. He still loves you and is going after you every single day no matter what. He still cares. He wants whats best for you. The only thing you have to do is to get on your knees and pray and give every single thing to Him. And what’s really cool is that what God did for me, he can do for you too.
My story isn’t Earth shattering, but it’s my story and I’m not ashamed anymore because I’ve over come it. I know that God loves me and that’s the only thing that matters. Here is what the Bible says about testimony’s:
1 Peter 3:15 – But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hopethat you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,
Acts 1:8 – But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Isaiah 55:11 – so is my word that goes out from my mouth:
It will not return to me empty,
but will accomplish what I desire
and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.
Revelation 12:11 – They triumphed over him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
John 1:12 – Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—
Romans 3:23 – for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
If you feel like you’re along, you’re not. If you feel like you aren’t loved, you are! If you feel you aren’t enough, you are! If you need help, reach out! It could be a loved one or a friend, and if you feel like you can’t turn to them I will be more than happy to be there for you! But more importantly reach out to God!! That is where you will get your strength and your hope. I hope you the best on your walk with God and I hope you grow. It is a BOLD thing to live out your BOLD faith. And your story is BOLD, to share your story is BOLD!!!! Go be bold for our lord!!!